Introducing Query Grader Wednesday!

I read a lot of queries on YALITCHAT and writing blogs and I find myself wanting to "grade" them.   It's a remnant of my old teaching self.  I've graded a lot of papers, thousands actually, and hold my Masters in English Literature, so if you've ever wished you could email off a copy of your query to an old prof for proofreading, here's your chance.

It's pretty simple.  On Mondays, respond to the query post by answering the query I post for you (you gotta sing for your supper).  On Monday night, I'll choose the "winner" and email them for their query, which they must email back by noon on Tuesday.  On Wednesday, I'll post the graded version of the query.

Here's the fineprint:

-Queries will be graded fairly.  It may be harsh, but it will be constructive.  The goal is to get you an agent not pad your ego.

- You may submit a redo, which will be regraded as my time allows.

- I want to have fun with this but also provide a useful service.  

So if you'd like to be my first query, respond to this question below and include your email:

If I was a sea monster, I would be _____________. 

Best answer wins!